Well, like I said it has been about a year for me and my blog.. I tried to think I shouldn't be writing but God keeps putting it on my heart too.. HE keeps putting me through things and thunking me on the head.. like " You survived this now help someone else" ... I was laughing with my friend Allison this weekend because some people have simple lives and then there are people that have twists and turns.. I am the human rollercoaster for sure... God only gives you what you can handle.. SO I MUST BE PRETTY SPECIAL.. lol
I have a heart for the lost and the broken.. you have no idea. I want to put everyone in my pocket and take them home and make it alright.. because I know what they have been through. My friend Kris said once.. Man Renee there isn't anything you couldn't share about your life that couldn't help one person.. you have been through it all.. I have been through alot.. but I am blessed beyond belief...
This year that I haven't been writing my blogs has been more about removing chains that have been keeping me prisoner for years.. and I am still going through them.. I thought I looked good in accessories.. but these chains do not fit me...
This year I got involved in my church serving, met an amazing accountability partner, my children were amazing.. everything was good.. all roses.. well we all put on a front.. put on a good face and just put bandaids on the pain and keep moving.. especially me.. I always have to have the strong face for everyone, so I am the queen of putting my problems last and others first..
I keep praying for certain things.. but one big prayer is for marriage.. and that is a scary one for me.. I want to be a wife so bad.. but then I shutter to think about it... because I have been told I don't deserve it... Love is a bad word in my language.. it is full of mistrust and anger.. but the funny thing.. you can pray all you want for something thinking that God is just going to go POOF.. there it IS.. No.. he doesn't...
I watched Evan Almighty this weekend and this one part hit me hard.. in the movie.. When God explains prayers:
God: Let me ask you something... If some one prays for patience, you think god gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does god gives them courage? Or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If some one prayed for the family to be closer, you think god zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Ding Dong... the light when on in my head.. the door swung open.. I have been praying for many things.. but I have been put through things to get those prayers.. so back to the husband thing.. by the way if you are my husband to be.. get ready for me.. cause I am a coming.. :)
I have some old lies that have been told to me that have kept me in bondage from being my true self to the LORD.. how God sees me.. not how the world sees me... So this year I have been through growing pains.. I have been thunked on the head with alot... I have prayed to love my mother more.. well guess what.. God that funny man.. gives me opportunities to love her more.. but I didn't see it.. I just thought she was a pain in my bootay and getting on my last nerve.... I prayed for a husband and well.. God showed me things that don't make me wife material.. One big one is that I have a drinking problem.. I am a binge alcoholic.. I don't drink all of the time but when I do it is on and cracking.. and that sucks.. because I didn't want to be my dad.. but it is and it has been the hardest thing for me to face.. but I am.. and I am glad that Jesus showed me that it has to be removed from my life... and there are other things as well and I am a work in progress..
I have other things that I have been praying for and I keep waiting for my big box to pop down with all of my goodies inside.. but that is not how it works.. I wish.. because Ryan Reynolds would be standing in front of me in a big red bow... lol
He gives you those blessing in the trials you go through.. paves the way for that next blessing.. We keep our eyes on the big prize.. but honestly the trials and the people that help you are the best blessings.. it makes you a better person.. so you know how they say be careful for what you wish for..it is sort of true.. I thought I was all ready for the things that I put on my vision board.. but God knows so much better.. if he gave me what I wanted right now.. man.. it would be a disaster.. So I have to actually open my eyes and see how HE is taking me to my next blessing and listen and do.. Not easy.. believe me.. admitting my faults is so hard especially in a blog.... and that means my blessings are a coming.. :)
So when you pray.. remember.. the way to the answered prayer is sometimes the best part.. :)
I have a heart for the lost and the broken.. you have no idea. I want to put everyone in my pocket and take them home and make it alright.. because I know what they have been through. My friend Kris said once.. Man Renee there isn't anything you couldn't share about your life that couldn't help one person.. you have been through it all.. I have been through alot.. but I am blessed beyond belief...
This year that I haven't been writing my blogs has been more about removing chains that have been keeping me prisoner for years.. and I am still going through them.. I thought I looked good in accessories.. but these chains do not fit me...
This year I got involved in my church serving, met an amazing accountability partner, my children were amazing.. everything was good.. all roses.. well we all put on a front.. put on a good face and just put bandaids on the pain and keep moving.. especially me.. I always have to have the strong face for everyone, so I am the queen of putting my problems last and others first..
I keep praying for certain things.. but one big prayer is for marriage.. and that is a scary one for me.. I want to be a wife so bad.. but then I shutter to think about it... because I have been told I don't deserve it... Love is a bad word in my language.. it is full of mistrust and anger.. but the funny thing.. you can pray all you want for something thinking that God is just going to go POOF.. there it IS.. No.. he doesn't...
I watched Evan Almighty this weekend and this one part hit me hard.. in the movie.. When God explains prayers:
God: Let me ask you something... If some one prays for patience, you think god gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does god gives them courage? Or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If some one prayed for the family to be closer, you think god zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Ding Dong... the light when on in my head.. the door swung open.. I have been praying for many things.. but I have been put through things to get those prayers.. so back to the husband thing.. by the way if you are my husband to be.. get ready for me.. cause I am a coming.. :)
I have some old lies that have been told to me that have kept me in bondage from being my true self to the LORD.. how God sees me.. not how the world sees me... So this year I have been through growing pains.. I have been thunked on the head with alot... I have prayed to love my mother more.. well guess what.. God that funny man.. gives me opportunities to love her more.. but I didn't see it.. I just thought she was a pain in my bootay and getting on my last nerve.... I prayed for a husband and well.. God showed me things that don't make me wife material.. One big one is that I have a drinking problem.. I am a binge alcoholic.. I don't drink all of the time but when I do it is on and cracking.. and that sucks.. because I didn't want to be my dad.. but it is and it has been the hardest thing for me to face.. but I am.. and I am glad that Jesus showed me that it has to be removed from my life... and there are other things as well and I am a work in progress..
I have other things that I have been praying for and I keep waiting for my big box to pop down with all of my goodies inside.. but that is not how it works.. I wish.. because Ryan Reynolds would be standing in front of me in a big red bow... lol
He gives you those blessing in the trials you go through.. paves the way for that next blessing.. We keep our eyes on the big prize.. but honestly the trials and the people that help you are the best blessings.. it makes you a better person.. so you know how they say be careful for what you wish for..it is sort of true.. I thought I was all ready for the things that I put on my vision board.. but God knows so much better.. if he gave me what I wanted right now.. man.. it would be a disaster.. So I have to actually open my eyes and see how HE is taking me to my next blessing and listen and do.. Not easy.. believe me.. admitting my faults is so hard especially in a blog.... and that means my blessings are a coming.. :)
So when you pray.. remember.. the way to the answered prayer is sometimes the best part.. :)
