STRONGLES

So struggles... STRUGGLES... even that word sound rough... I actually think sometimes my name is Renee Struggles Watroba... Ha... We all go through them.  We all have things in our lives that we struggle with either it be people, things, habits ect.. AND BOY DO I HAVE THEM.  I am an addictive personality, co-dependant with ADD.. yeah.. wow... I am a walking self help book, the poster child for self help actually..... I take everything I do and turn into an addiction. Then I have to undo what I did and break it... but it makes me who I am.... 


The best thing about having all of these struggles, I found out.. that I am one strong person.. so instead of struggles.. I turn them into Strongles... I overcome them one at a time... Yes I know Strongles is not a word.. but It is my blog and I can cry if I want to.. LOL... These strongles.. are put in your life.. first to create you... to test you and to show you... With God you can over come anything.. HE puts the STRONG.. in my strongles...


See... we all want that perfect life... We want Door number 3 from God... The one that always had the biggest prize... If God actually showed you what was behind Door number 3... and you saw that husband or wife, the money, the job, YOUR PERFECT LIFE... boy oh boy.. you would do cartwheels and remove every struggle you had in a second...  you would stop sleeping around, partying, lying, swearing, ect.. You would be standing there with the biggest halo ever with your arms wide open waiting for your blessing... as HE hands over your perfect life.. but you wouldn't deserve it.. or do good with it.. because you didn't transform into the person that deserves those blessings...


But lets be real... we would only do it.. because we can see it... we could touch it.. we could smell it.. so heck yes, you want me to live a Godly life so I can have all that ... Where do I sign up for Godly Person of the Year????  But since we can't see it.. touch it, smell it.. We struggle.. and we don't do our best to do it... But that door is there... your blessings all wrapped up in a big red bow with your name on it... 


Humans, us silly little humans... we have to have things our way.. but THANK GOD.. we have to do it HIS Way...It makes us better people... I am trying to be a Godly person because I do want to live by the Word..and I would love a blessed life... but the best thing about..  it.. I don't know what HE has for me... so it is exciting.  The best part of my Godly walk... is breaking my struggles into Stronggles... and overcoming them.  I actually am a better person.. I like myself better as a Godly woman... and of course I want Door number 3... but the transformation has been the biggest gift ever... being in my own skin and loving myself... 


What I have learned in this process... you want certain things... but you have to be what you want. If you want a Godly man.. you have to be a Godly woman... If you want no drama.. you have to be no drama... ect.. And God wants us to be Godly... so Godly here I come... :) lol


These struggles are called struggles..because they really are not good for you... believe me.. I know.. I let my struggles define me... I let them make me who I was... but as I let God remove them.. wow... it was like removing rock off my chest.. and more of who I really was, was lying underneath.. Now.. I held onto my struggles because I thought they made me cool... Like I struggled with Sex, The World wants you to have sex, with everyone and it is sooooooo cool.... Well really, it isn't.. such a lie.. and so lonely.. So now I am celibate.. almost 2 years now.. and PROUD OF IT...I had struggles with partying.. removed it.. Swearing.. like a truck driver... yes.. I am from Chicago... I think that is a requirement to live there.. LOL.. removed it.. 


Now I have other struggles that I am dealing with... Smoking for one.. but With God All things are POSSIBLE... And I know that it will be a thing of the past.. and as one by one of these struggles disappear.. it keeps unveiling the person I have always desired to be...  So what is waiting for me behind door number 3... I will actually be able to do good with it.. and treat it like it really is meant to be.. A BLESSING.. 


Remember.. LET HIM help you get to where you need to be.. Ask HIM what does HE want for you.. and let HIM DO IT.. Surrender... REMEMBER IT IS PERFECT.... :)

MINE MINE MINE.....

It has been a while... so sorry.. I have been working on me and the Lord and well.. I have no excuses.... 


First off I want to thank all of you so much for the letters, texts, twitters ect about my daily posts.... I hope that they inspire you and make you laugh at the same time.  The thing I love most besides God and my family is to LAUGH... anyone that knows me knows that I am the biggest NERD.. and even held the nickname "RENERD" for a while... so Yes I laugh at my own jokes and spend my mornings with the Lord then with anything funny I can find on the internet.  Dorks R Us right here!!! 


I just want to let you know something that has been put on my heart.... God showed me yesterday on how HE works... it is sooooooooooooo simple you don't know.  


I have two kids... one is 7 and the other is 13 (God help me now) LOL ... Well, let's say one is being good.. not lying, obeying the rules, showing me love and respect being genuinely good.  The other is lying, being unruly, not respecting me and not showing me love... Believe me this happens all of the time.. KIDS..LOL Well the kid that is being let's just say bad, looks at me and says "Why don't you treat me like my brother?"  And honestly I tell them.. "Well if you want to be treated like this and want more from me.. change your attitude, don't lie, be good.. it is that easy..." Well, more times than not.. he will do the reverse and do worse.. lie more, act out and more or less be like a spoiled child... He will be like MINE MINE MINE.. but not show why he deserves it.  So because he didn't respect me and listen... I then don't trust him.. and pull the presents and blessings away until he shows me that he can handle them and do right with them.  Showing me that he appreciates them genuinely and not because he just did it to get the gift or attention.


Well my gorgeous peeps.. that is IT!!! That is how God is with us... When we see someone else blessed and we get all bent out of shape because we are still going through our trials.. We can either Praise HIM and keep treating OUR LORD with respect by loving HIM and obeying HIM or run around with our head cut off screaming MINE MINE MINE and then go sin our little butts off.... The funny thing.. Your not doing anything to God when you say.. well I will show HIM, I didn't get that girl I wanted...or that car.. or whatever it is.. I am going to start sleeping with everyone, drink swear.. oh I will get God for not treating me right... I will be the biggest sinner EVER..  Well dummy, HE is disapointed but your the one missing out.. Just like I tell my kids... it is so simple.. be good, love me, respect me and my rules... I will trust you... and then blessings will come... our relationship will be stronger.. the family unit will be whole because of it... 


You are showing God.. well let's be real.. you are a spoiled brat... the 5 year old on the floor at Walmart kicking and screaming because they didn't get that toy.. Yes.. I did it many times... and now I laugh... I didn't deserve anything because I haven't shown God I deserve it... Just that I can win the academy award for the best temper tantrum...


So when you see someone else getting blessed and you are not... instead of turning into the brat.. turn into the Child of God you are... Praise HIM , Love HIM, Obey HIM.. the Family Unit will be stronger and so will you... Blessings will be on your way.. Get the umbrella out.. because it will be raining Abundance... 

Have an amazing and blessed day peeps.. and I will leave you with my new favorite song.. 

LETTING GO OF THE WHEEL...

Faith.......


I have learned so much like this song by Katy Hudson aka Katy Perry.. Such a pretty song.. all about Faith... That is what I have been taught by God.. Have faith... in the little and in the big.  Have faith of a mustard seed.. UH MAZING!


I know that it is hard.. oh do I know... to LET GO and LET GOD.. oh heck no.. you think.. I am like a 3 year old in a sand box... as soon as I let go and someone else takes it.. I take it back and say MINE! MINE! MINE!!  and then I screw it up.. yes sad but true... lol  


We all are control freaks.. we all are.. we want to control our outcome, destiny our future.. but really .. it is out of our hands.. haven't you tried to steer an outcome into your direction and the more you tried the more it was messed up... the more you touched it the more it was like sand in your hands... relationships, business, life... ect... It was God telling you.. let go... Everytime I take the wheel.. I drive it into a ditch.. and then flip the car... LOL.. but if I let Jesus take the wheel... it is bumpy sometimes where I want to be the backseat driver and yell.. your going to slow.. your gonna hit that car.. but as like the backseat driver.. you just annoy the driver.. so I just shut up and go along for the ride... and AMAZING AS IT IS.. YOU GET TO YOUR DESTINATION.. AND IT IS BETTER THAN YOU THOUGHT... I would of taken us to DisneyLand.. but he wanted me at Disneyworld.. not for real.. but you know what I am saying.. LOL


Remember I am still single.. not even dating... just starting a new business... still live at home with my mom and two kids.. wow.. anyone want to marry me... ??? LOL..This is what I did.. trying to direct my own life.. hmmmmmmmm.. I think right now I am the poster child for not what to do... LOL  but regardless of what my current situation is.. which by the looks of it.. this is where I drove me too... wow.. did I take the wrong turn and I am on the wrong side of the road..  lol.. but that is the greatest part.. Now that I have let go and finally let HIM take the wheel  I am back on the right side of the road.. going forward and not backwards...I feel it in my bones AND in my heart.. I am excited to know that he pulled me out of the ditch.. and HE is driving me to my destiny.. I like to think ... God and I are like Thelma and Louise.. we are holding our hands high.. driving off the cliff... and I have to have faith we are hitting the ground and driving off into the sunset... AND WE ARE.. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! 

LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS... :)

Those pictures were from my 42nd birthday while I lived in Hollywood.... I hated to leave there because I made amazing friends and I felt as I was leaving my heart there.. But again.. God's will is more important to me... so off I went to San Diego...:)


I knew it was God's will because I didn't even have the money to move back.. I had no money for the truck or gas to go.. and my unbelievable friends Felicia, Matt and James paid for it and drove the kids and I back to ole San Diego.. so it was HIS plan for me to be back here... 


Now I am back in San Diego...with my mom and my kids.. I still don't know how God is using me out here.. it seems like HE wanted me to repair my relationship with my mom.. and to help her out in some situations and for her to help me out as well.. So I get that.. it is so funny to be 43 years old and a mother and still when your own mother comes in your room and says to clean your room.. you feel like your 13 years old and clean it up... lol


 But through this experience I learned to love myself and trust a man again.. MY GOD.. that is something that I have never did... wow.. what a mess I used to be.. ha ha ha.. One of my friends actually that I haven't seen in years said that she thought that I would be dead by now... WOW... WHAT A COMPLIMENT.. LOL... but it was the truth... I was running around like a chicken with their head cut off..  Who I was in Chicago.. is not who I am now... that little girl back there is gone.. it is funny.. I believe that we are just children in adult bodies playing house... that is really how I feel.. I think that we still cope as adults as we coped as children... I don't know.. just a Nae Nae thought.. lol  but that is how I feel... but the great thing is now I feel whole not like that big hole in my heart that I had back home.  


Well now that I am 43 and I still feel like I am 12...  but my body is telling me I am 43... and the only reason I know that now.. is insanity of MENOPAUSE.. Yes Menopause.. what the hell is this??  It was funny when I turned 42 and I stopped getting my period I was like yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaa... and then I got my first hot flash... as my hair was stuck to my head from sweat.. I was like what the heck just happened.. am I dying???.. then I would wake up in a pool of sweat and think.. ok.. did my kids play a joke on me and throw water on me during my sleep??  And then recently I went to bed and woke up with 12 pounds around my thighs and tummy.. seriously.. it was overnight.. I am still dumbfounded on how the heck this happened... ha ha ha.. 


I will tell you THANK GOD... I haven't had that emotional craziness yet.. I remember when my mom went through it... omg.. all of our pots and pans were oval because she would slam them when we would make her mad.. and one time my brother and I didn't put our laundry in the hamper..so my mom took a baseball bat to it.. and wicker flew everywhere.. Yeah.. she had it pretty bad.. LOL.... So I thank God.. he gave me a sense of humor to get through this.. the funny thing is I called the doctor and asked how long will I go through this and she said 5-10 years.. 5 TO 10 YEARS??????????????????????? Seriously.. ?????? This is only time in my life I wanted to have been born a man.... HA.. really.. we get our period, then give birth, then go through menopause... and what do men have.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... ok... you get my point.. lol  


So now I am 43 with menopause.. sounds like a great Match.com Tag line huh?? Hi I am Renee 43 with menopause.. lol Will get a ton of men hitting my profile with that.. lol  But here I am 43 about to turn 44 in July and I am excited about this.. I have always been one of those people that love to be there age.. since my dad passed at 45... I love getting older.. because he never got too... I take my birthdays as LIKE YES.. I MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR.. PRAISE JESUS.. But I am excited on my new life.. my walk with God.. going through the ups and downs but knowing I have a huge arms around me to pick me up when I fall.. the arms of my LORD...  I am excited to see where I am going.. what HE has for me.. I look at my life and laugh everyday because my life is comedy and God is the author.. so if you dare or want.. walk through this journey with me and lets see what happens!!!

Here is a glimpse of my gorgeous children while I was at a meeting.. when I lived in Hollywood.. I love that they have an amazing sense of humor like their mommy!!!!!

My Clean Little Secret...

I GOT MY CAR BACK.. WOO WOO!!!! PRAISE JESUS... :))))


So lets get back to my story... ha.. I left off that I was moving to LA.. just a little crazy idea I had... The funny thing I thought it was God's plan for me to move there and POOF.. I will get the Amazing Agency.. Husband.. Money.. House... thought this was my divine intervention calling me to Los Angeles... well.. not so much... ha ha ha


I told my mom I was going to move to LA... of course she thought I had fallen down the stairs and hit my head.. since I didn't have a dime in my pocket... or just having one of my blonde highlight moments.. :)  I was serious... I was going.. and I did... Packed up my kids, and off I went.. Hollyweird here I come....


I lived in Hollywood right off Sunset Blvd.  I lived right in the heart of it all... Craziness... it is amazing how different Hollywood is... wow.. eye opener for sure... My kids really didn't fit in out there but we did it for one year.. 


I made some really good friends out there that helped me with the rough times.. I made alot of connections out there but my family was suffering... we had no money.. never left the house.. it was rough on my kids...really wasn't what I had planned... but I will tell you.. God had me out there for a few reasons... to meet some people and talk to them about God.. and I DID... another reason so funny to me... A week before I knew I was going to move.. I started looking into a new church called Oasis in Hollywood.  I was looking up kid ministries and all sorts of things for me... The church I was previously going to didn't speak to me so I wanted to find a new home church.  I planned on going that next Sunday with my kids.... well during the week it became very apparent.. I financially couldn't stay in Hollywood and would have to move back to San Diego.  I told James and we both in a few days started my plan for me to move back home.


I told James about the church and we both decided to go to it before I moved just to check it out.  So my bestie Felicia , James and my kids went to Oasis.  Well the funny thing is.. I was doing all this research on this church thinking it was for me.. well God did that for James.  See God knew I was going back to San Diego and James didn't really have a home church either.. We went and BAM.... It spoke to James.. HE FOUND HIS HOME... such a blessing.. to me.. you have no idea... Now James is on the prayer team with Oasis and attends services to pray over people and also during the week he attends prayer groups to pray for all of us and the nation.  Wow.. I am so happy.. to know James is home and is growing into that amazing Proverbs 5 man..  God took my sad ending to LA.. and turned it into a glorious one for me... 


During that time while I was in Los Angeles.. I spent alot of time in the Lord which I still do.. I think he wanted me to get a glimpse of what I thought I wanted.. spend time into getting to know HIM and also break me down more to put me back together.. so I don't look at it as I failed.. I look at it like I won... I know now that I don't want to live in Hollywood with my children.. I would love to live in Burbank.. if God wants me to move back.. I developed this amazing relationship with my Lord..  I strengthened my friendships with my two best friends.. James and Felicia.. both my heart and soul..  


Now here is the greatest part.. hold your pants.. on because I DID.. FOR REAL..lol  I became celibate.. I decided in October of last year.. I was done with the hurt.. done sharing the most special part of me with jerks, men that didn't mean anything.. Everytime I did share myself.. I lost a part of myself.. I felt emptier than I did before.. I felt as if a part of my soul went with them when they shut the door.... Now I am not going to tell you that it has been easy...because I am going on two years... wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooahhhhhhhhhh!!!  but it is worth it.. because I no longer worry about diseases, or being hurt, or being emotionless, or just being used like I had so many times.. I am a female.. I am sorry.. we are liars when we say we can just do it and not fall for them.. LIARS... I said that lie so many times because I thought I would lose the guy... and didn't realize that you were losing them anyways..  I have a ton of male friends..and if you knew how they feel about girls that give it up right away to them... you would never do it again... for reals... ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! So I am not telling you all to jump on the celibate train with me.. it is a decision you and the Lord have to come too.  I just for myself want to live by the bible.. and wait for my husband... and treat it like it is supposed to be.. for my marriage... :) The funny thing is because I started my celibacy.. James followed too.. I think there are now 4 of us that have been celibate for a long time now.. so it can be done.. and I know that God is preparing our wives and husbands now for us... YAYYYYYYYYY...  I always said that my Mr. Right is on his path to find me must of took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.. LOL.. Well NOW my God is taking the wheel and driving him right to me.. HA... 


I use to say also.. I don't care if my veil gets stuck in my wheelchair while I go down the aisle. ha ha. if I have to wait that long... I will.. I want what God has for me... :)


Well now you know my clean little secret.. lol.. so I move back to San Diego and I have a few huge blessings on my way home... 

MIRACLE BLESSING!!! From My Lesson!!

Well the other day I told you about my supposed blessing from a stranger on how I thought I was going to get my car back.  I was told he was going to pay for it and I thought wahooooooo... I get my car back after being car-less for 3 weeks.   James and myself thought wow... this must be a blessing from God.. because I sure don't have the $2,500 dollars it was going to cost to fix my transmission. Because like they say.. I am so poor I can't pay attention.. LOL  But as you saw in the previous blog.. it turned out to be a hoax and I didn't understand why.  

The night that I found out it wasn't true, with the help of my friends we Praised God.. We praised HIM for loving me no matter what.  For giving us air in our lungs, my children, my business just for unconditional love... Now to do that isn't always easy.. I will tell you.. because the human part of you wants to just throw yourself down like a child in a store and throw a temper tantrum because they didn't get the toy they wanted... but THANK GOD.. I have friends that keep me in perspective and our strong where I when I am weak.. and kick me in the buttocks... when I need it... :) 

James and I did out Bible Study and prayer as we have been doing every night and again praised HIM and told HIM that well this obviously wasn't meant to be, so HE is going to have to come through.. cause mommy can't do this alone.. lol.. We turned it to God again... Just like that pastor I read about.. He looks up to God when he has bills and say.. Hey God.. you got mail.. Well God you have a transmission bill.. LOL.. We know God doesn't have to do anything for us.. So we just praised HIM in prayer every night for giving us life..

Friday night.. my mom said she was going to go gambling... and off she went.. hurling down the street.. lol.. so as James and I do every night.. we were doing our bible study and prayer..  it was about 1:30 in the morning and I hung up with James and was starting to go to bed.  All of a sudden I heard "Renee" in this ciggarette deep voice..."Open the door!" I look outside and it is my mom.. I had locked her out of the house... so I went down-stairs and let her in... I started back up the stairs and my mom said... "Were you on the phone with James?" and I said "Yeah why?"  My mom said.. " Call him back..".. I replied "Why?"  My mom said "Because you can get your car back" and preceded to hand me $2,500.00 in $100 dollar bills.  I almost passed out.. I ran up the stairs and called James back.. A miracle just happened... 

My mom goes gambling every once in a while and she in 7 years has never won... So she rarely goes anymore.  She was going gambling just to get out of the house and enertain herself for a little while not expecting anything but a stale burger and a few games of keno... lol.. She said that she put in $200.00 dollars and won a jackpot of $700.00 and then another jackpot of $2000.00.. so my mom broke even... she didnt' lose any money.  She even said when she saw that the second jackpot was worth $2,000 dollars she looked up and said "Thank you JESUS".. Because she knew that it was from God... She won EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED and not a dime more...  A MIRACLE.. A GOD' AMAZING BLESSING.. HE turned something out of nothing.. 

The best part of this story.. is really not the money and my car.. it is I learned that HE is faithful.. HE LISTENS... HE LOVES US.. PRAISE HIM NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS... but to see my mom's face.. that adorable face light up knowing that she was used in a miracle by our LORD.. was priceless.. My mom is new in her walk.. so seeing her LOVE our LORD and believe in HIM more.. woooooooooah.. it gave me goosebumps.. My mom danced.. to see a 65 year old woman dance with no rythym with $2,500.00 dollars saying "Thank You Jesus" was UH MAZING... :) 

I just want you all to know.. that nothing like this has ever happened to me.. I am just blessed beyond all.. I get to pick up my car today.. and I will Praise HIM all the way home.. but I just want you to know.. I know what you are all going through.. it is rough for alot of us out there.. I know sometimes when you pray.. you don't think HE is listening.. but HE is.. HE is doing it in HIS own timing and testing you.. Seeing where you heart is.. how faithful you are.. Praise HIM in the Good and Praise HIM in the bad.. that is All HE wants...

I will get back to the rest of my story tomorrow.. I kind of got side tracked with this car drama.. but again.. HE wanted me to write about it.. and well.. like I said.. I am Your Canvas God.. lets make some amazing ART TOGETHER.. I LOVE YOU DADDY!!

THIS IS BECKAH SHAE "LIFE"

I love this song so much.. "I AM LIVING THE RICH LIFE"

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED..

So yesterday was a day... wow.. knocked me to my feet... so that is why I didn't write here...needed a day to reflect and just understand...


I think some of you know that my car has been out of commission for a few weeks.. My transmission blew and so it has been sitting at the repair shop.  Thankfully the repair shop back then gave me a month to fix my car so I can come up with the $2,500.  That for sure is a blessing from God... :)


So my kids and I have been walking everywhere.. which again is humbling from God...  You forget that you are resilient and blessed that you have two legs to get yourself places... :) In my case to drop a few pounds from this dreaded beast called menopause.. LOL


Well I was contacted by now I find out a fan of James and he said he was going to help and pay for my car...He said that God told him too and that he would bless me in that way.. I was elated, dumbfounded and excited.. I thought it was all being taken care of... since I can't come up with the money myself.   Having two kids and working on 100% commission with a new business is rough.... 


It turns out that this person was not the person he claimed to be and I was fooled.. so yesterday I felt like I was punched in the face... It wasn't God's plan.. and thankfully I have amazing friends to remind me of that.. 


I cried, but then My friend Felicia, man I love this girl... she sent scripture to my phone like a mad woman.. BAM, BAM, BAM...  I don't think she realized I was reading the page of scripture she sent me on my phone, but she kept texting me the ones she wanted me to see.. so my phone was on FIRE WITH THE LORD.. LOL  They were scriptures to strengthen your Faith..  I think my favorite was Psalms 37:7


Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.


It was what I needed to hear.. and to realize.  See since I started this blog.. I told you.. I have a target put on my back and Satan was trying to steal my joy.  He wanted me knocked to my feet and turn away from my Lord God... Not to praise HIM in my time of sorrow...  Well again.. I have amazing friends... and they got me through the day...  I had my scripture texting maniac Felicia and James... He and I read our bibles last night on the phone and he prayed and amazing prayer... And my girl Griselda.. who just made me smile and tell me to delight in the Lord.. 


So today I wake up and I feel refreshed.. I still don't have my car... still will be walking but I am good... Because I am walking with my Lord.. :) PRAISE JESUS... 
   

Putting the Pieces Back Together...

Yesterday.... I found out something amazing.. I now know why God wanted me to start this blog now... HE wants me to tell you about HIS LOVE, HIS FAITHFULNESS...  I have something big to tell you.. but I am going to wait till it fully happens... PRAISE JESUS...  Dear Lord, today keep using me using me as your canvas.. you are the artist and lets make beautiful art together!!!!

It was funny.. I used to work a job that made me a ton of money..and I really didn't like my job.. but it made me money to take care of my children.. but what I didn't notice it wasn't the life God wanted for me.. Since I accepted HIM.. I gave HIM permission to LIVE HIS LIFE.. the life HE wants for me...

I found my self by accident the job I always wanted to do... James was a friend of mine and he wanted to be an actor/fitness model like everyone else in Cali... lol  I started helping him out here and there just as a friend.  I noticed I loved it... loves it so much... I loved it so much it got me fired from my job... BAM.. the beginning of my humbling..  That day I called James and I told him I got fired and with two kids with no health benefits and a regular paycheck would be scary.. but we both said to each other this is probably a sign from God... we should do this.  that was 5 years ago...

I started to lose the material things because of the lack of money.. I lost my credit... lost things that I thought were so important.. some friends, my job ect.. But now looking back.. it was HIM breaking me.. putting me back together slowly in HIS timing...

I used to be flashy... walking around with new clothes.. cleavage and all...remember new breasts.. so they were on display! lol  I had a nanny that took care of my kids, I would shop till I dropped and still till this day I look around and think where in the world are all of those things I bought.. I had 10,000 in credit cards.. where is that stuff now??? It is like when you go to Walmart and you buy 100.00 worth of stuff.. do you remember what that stuff is??  I always save my receipt to remind myself.. lol  I was living a life that was all for the outside to see.... trying to look successful and all together.. but again broken inside... POOF... ALL GONE... God took it away...

The first thing he did was tell me to put my boobies away... So funny.. I always wondered why I didn't get treated like a girlfriend or wife... or why no one took me seriously.. well DUH... you are only addressed the way you dress.. and well lets just say... with my big 32 DD's smacking them in the face.. well I was treated like a big walking boob... so the cleavage shirts are now collecting dust in my closet...

I LOVE THIS PICTURE... :)

The nanny.. gone... What I realized is that I wasn't the mother.. I worked so much that I became the babysitter.. I would only see my kids late at night and on the weekend.. I was too tired to really enjoy them.. so I really for 3 years didn't get to share their life... so sad now that I look back.. I remember watching Jaden sit on the couch with my nanny as they watched TV arm in arm... and I was jealous.. I didn't have that closeness with my new son.. POOF... nanny gone...

Money...ha Money.. What an Idol I made that to be... I used it so carelessly... wow.. I cringe on how I idolized money... again.. BAM gone..

See.. what HE was doing.. 1st... dress like a mom/wife.. preparing me to be the Proverbs 31 woman... to be treated like a lady.. no more hurt, no more being used as a piece of meat.. 2nd.. to be the mom... be the rock in my family.. to raise my two beautiful children to love God and to create two unbelievable Godly men and share treasured memories that money can't buy. 3rd.. To love my family for the precious time we have together.. not on what I could buy them or show off... to actually sit with them when we couldn't afford to do anything.. just enjoy each others voices... HUMBLING ME.. to love what is real... what you have in front of your face right now...

Now.. I am not going to tell you... that I was sitting with open arms screaming Praise Jesus everytime something was taken away or we couldn't afford to eat.. but when you stand back and see the puzzle being put together.. this is the best thing that has every happened to me...

So one day I get the brainy idea to move to Los Angeles... My Talent Manager Job... what am I doing?

ROGER ROGER Renee Watroba Got Away!

I found a video that seriously I watch all of the time.... It is a skit they do in Christian churches called the "Everything Skit by Lifehouse." It couldn't be more on point of what I went through before I was Saved... Going from the dark into the light.  All of Satan trying to get me to my destiny.. Well in the skit.. GOD ALWAYS PREVAILS.. AND I AM LIVING PROOF... I will eventually get into details to help you understand.. what sort of person I was and how far I was...before I found HIM.. I want you all to know that HE LOVES EVERY HAIR ON YOUR HEAD.. and if HE could love me.. someone who was homeless for 2weeks living in her car.. raped..dead inside... wanting to die.. I did try to kill myself many times.. How HE COULD BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE... HE IS THERE... JUST TAKE HIS HAND AND DANCE WITH HIM...(I still cry like a little girl that dropped her ice cream cone when I watch this...)

So I was saved...everything tasted better, looked better felt UH MAZING... for the first time in my life... I had my kids starting a new career as a Talent Manager... I had that spiritual drunkeness.. that I wanted.. to laugh for no reason... just being so full you couldn't contain yourself.

Well like I said which I didn't know..that when you get saved.. their is a target put on your back.. MINE IS HUGE AND RED.. WITH A EARTH SIZE BULLSEYE... I think if there were people on Mars they could see it... I pissed off Satan... and Good... I think he put out a call and said "Breaker Breaker Renee Watroba escaped.. go get her!"  I think I was was one of his favorites because I was such a mess.. so I really put his panties in a bunch!

Being Christian is the hardest but most rewarding life.. and when you start to understand that.. you will embrace it... knowing that trials mean you are being pruned... the way HE wants you and it is what is best for you..  I was going about my daily life.. singing praises to my LORD.. going to church, being in ministries.. I was even the greeter at my church..  I WAS THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN POSTER CHILD. everything was WONDERFUL... then because I wasn't aware but Satan had a little trick up his sleeve...  PUNK!!!! He lied to me and I fell for it hook line and sinker... I started to backslide.. I started to look for acceptance again in relationships instead of MY FATHER...I slowly started my old life again.. drinking.. sex and well again chasing that emptiness again... I was like a blood to a bear.. I tasted and I wanted more... I did that for 2 more years if you can believe that... I still had GOD in my heart but I put HIM in a little box because I believed a LIE...

I want you to know that was the greatest thing that happened to me though.. because it brought me to my relationship that I have now... You have to know that God only gives you what you can handle.. so don't think just because you aren't the PERFECT Christian you can't come back... HE is always waiting with open arms.. that is a LIE from Satan.. he wants you to think you are scum.. the bottom of the earth for turning away from the LORD.. but you are NOT...If I can't get you to understand what I have learned is that SATAN LIES LIES LIES LIES.. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!!!

During those two years I started to lose everything... my credit, money, God was Humbling me.. but again DUH.. I just thought HE didn't love me... but again the best thing ever..HE was breaking me into pieces so HE could put me together again.. JESUS STYLE... So one day I woke up.. and I grabbed my LORDS hand... and we started to dance again....

My Testimony Part 3

So I am sitting here watch Joel Olsteen speak on my TV.. WOW HIS MESSAGE WAS RIGHT ON... It was about removing labels that were given to you either by your family, friend, co-workers ect.  He said that scientists studies bumble bees and that the scientists have concluded that bumblebees can't fly be cause their bodies are too big and their wingspan isn't long enough. So therefore they can't fly.  Well because they can't hear what the scientists are saying.. THEY FLY.. BECAUSE GOD WANTS THEM TOO... AMEN.. I AM A BUMBLEBEE... I am gonna buzz around satan and sting him in his butt... lol That is what my blog is about.. how Jesus doesn't see me for who I used to be..  There is a saying.. That if you could see how God sees you.. and not everyone else... Your mind couldn't comprehend it..  And I also heard that when we get to our heavenly home.... My pastor Miles McPherson said that once we see what Satan really looks like, We are going to say "Really??? I was scared of you?"  So become that Bumblebee and stick him in the rearend!!  LOL Ok.. onto my blog.

So... I joined MySpace and after having my second son Jaden, I decided to get my breasts done.  After having two kids and losing so much weight I was left with skin.  I used to call them Cow Utters... lol.  It was a decision I made because I didn't like my body.  My mom was against it since she had breast cancer and had hers removed.  So she always told me not to do it.. until one day she asked to see them and as soon as I lifted my shirt she turned to me and said "They are going to be beautiful when they are done!".. So the next day I was under the knife. lol

 Now I am walking around with this new body 32DD style and WOW... That changed my life.. I was getting attention like you don't know. That is when I became Samantha from Sex In The City.. I actually lived her life.  I was that 30 something woman that lived like she was 21.  I had men eating out of the palm of my hands, money and still felt alone.. empty and sad..  Like I said I joined MySpace and and I was the bell of the ball!!!!! It fed my yearning to be accepted, I thought that hole in my heart.. again.. was gonna be filled.. LIE LIE LIE.. but I didn't know that then. I met a girl named Kathy Kaska at my job that started leading me to God..and then I met this guy James Ellis on MySpace and he is this good ole boy from Indiana.  He and I became friends.  I find out that he is a Christian and his family as well.  He would talk about God in ways I never heard.  God was a knocking.. and I slowly started opening the door without even knowing it.. .  Then through James I met this girl Kari Knisely and she too was Christian.  Now that I look back I laugh on how bad God wanted me.. He kept putting Christians in my life and I was like LA LA LA... now putting the puzzle together.

One day I went to a concert with Kari and my son Brandon.. It was a 4th of July Concert with all of these Rock Bands and I thought we were going to just listen to some good music.. so we are jamming to some POD, Kirk Franklin.. and the next thing I know.. I am on stage with Kari and my kid.. GETTING SAVED!!! I still didn't actually realize it until this woman had us sit down and pray with her.. then I looked around and said .. I just got SAVED?.. I am now a Christian??? I am now one of them?? PRAISE JESUS!!!! I FELT LIKE THAT SONG POD SANG "I FEEL SO ALIVE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME"..  Now I know.. I am slow.. but I didn't realize that music was all about God.. and didn't even realize that Miles Mcperson was a pastor... I am polish so It takes me a while.. LOL

At that moment.. that hole in my heart was full.. I felt warm.. I felt safe.. I felt GLORIOUS.. Finally someone so unbelievable loved me... regardless of what I thought I was.. I didn't have to do backflips, drink myself to death, hurt myself to get HIS love.. HE just loved me...  I kept looking down to find this amazing love when I should of just been looking UP.. but HE got me just when I needed HIM.. and now I am HIS forever... I now have the DADDY I always needed...

So now I am on a glorious high.. and then BAM... My first trial... Satan found out that I am Christian and I am with my Lord.. and a target was put on my back... PUNK!!

My Testimony Part Two

 

I was raised Catholic so I believed in God, but I wouldn't necessarily tell you I had a relationship with HIM.  I sat on that barstool at work and cried out to God.  Kill me if this is my life, take me from this. I have nothing to live for so end it all.  Two weeks later I find out I am pregnant with Brandon.  That is when the Miracle started.  I finally had something to live for.  In my eyes a purpose to stop this crazy life that I had created. Now because this is my story and it is me.. I didn't get the knight in shining armor with the baby.. My knights in shining armor  were immature guys rolled in tinfoil.  So I had Brandon by myself and when he was 7mos old I moved us to California in 1998.

I got her to Cali and was all Chicago..I had the hair sprayed bangs that hit the roof of the car, 160lbs and makeup that would make Lady Gaga proud.  I moved in with my mom and got a job bartending.  And during that time I met these three little ole men that told me on how they all lost weight.  They did the Atkins diet and they were right... I lost 40lbs and the beginning of Cali Renee was born.  

I got a job at SBC the phone company to work a normal job so I could raise Brandon.  That is when God started at my heart.  I kept meeting these "Christian" people.  I never met "Christians" before.  I was raised in Chicago where everyone I knew were Catholic and the Christian people were Bible beaters.. LOL  They would come up to me and tell me about their relationship with God and I would just tell them "God Loves me so I am ok." Well WE KNOW THE TRUTH... I wasn't ok... I still had that hole in my heart that I couldn't fill. Even the love of my own child couldn't fill that. God kept knocking but I wasn't answering the door.

They kept trying to get me to go to church, go to bible studies but I declined and went on with my abnormal life.   I had this new body, new haircut and realized quickly again I was getting attention from men.  I met a ton of men that wanted to fill that whole in my heart HA... and I kept trying.  I then met another immature knight in shining armor and then had my second child. Again alone but I had my Jaden.  I always told my friends usually when you break up with someone you usually keep mementos, but for some reason I kept sperm.. lol.. And Jaden was born. I was now a single mom with two boys and still no man or direction.

Then one lonely day I joined a site called MySpace.. remember that site... lol

My Testimony..Part One

My name is Renee Watroba and do I have a story for you.. I was waiting for my happy ending to write a book.. but God wants me to write to you while I am going through it.. so fasten your seatbelts.. its going to be one bumpy but glorious ride!

I am 43 years young or as I have told many people, I am 21 but I just celebrated my 22nd anniversary to my 21st birthday. LOL  I am SINGLE never been married (GASP)... two gorgeous boys named Brandon (13) and Jaden (7).  I live in San Diego, California but I am originally from Chicago on the Southside.. GO Sox!  I moved to California in 1998 and have been here ever since.

I am a talent manager/agent/booker for the Hollywood scene so I am surprised I am not fully gray haired by now.  I manage models/actors/fitness models you name it.. I find it I book it.. LOL  I just started doing this business about 4 years ago which led to my relationship with the LORD.. so Praise God for that.

OK.... enough about my stats.. I feel like I am filling out a Match.com profile.. HA  In a galaxy far far away there was me.. little girl lost.  I was raised by an alcoholic father and a mother that is the Co-Dependant poster child.  I remember just trying to get my father's love.  I always tried to get his attention but because of his drinking, I failed miserably.  I would try to excel at sports, try to out drink him when I was of age to drink, tried to be his friend but nothing worked.  So at 18 I decided that I would find that love somewhere else.. In clubs and friends.

I would hang out at many clubs, 7 days a week..  I would dance, drink, laugh and then I found men.  I had alot of male attention which for me at the time being 150lbs. was UH MAZING! I started getting attention from alot of hot men and then I found myself under them.  Thinking that WOW if they could have sex with me  THEY ARE IN LOVE with me.. Cause in my silly little head I thought if you could be naked with someone and be sharing something so special it had to be LOVE.. well I since I am slow.. I did that alot and found out later.. Ummmmmmmmmmm wow.. they can do that with anybody.. I had my heart broke alot but since I was so mad and so numb because of my father.. I didn't care.  It was attention and I liked it... so for about 10 years I partied and played it up.

During that 10year haze.  My friends now ask me how was your 20's and I reply "Drunk"... which is funny but is so sadly true. I was so sad that my father didn't love me like I wanted too so I tried to hurt myself and I Did.  I got raped twice, had an abortion, was beaten, did drugs, was robbed, was used you name it I did it.. and the funny thing.. I never felt any of it.. I was numb.  I remember listening to the song Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd and thinking.. I must of wrote that song.  I was numb for 10 years and nothing bothered me because I thought I deserved it.  My friends would tell me that when I was drunk, they would look in my eyes and it would scare them because no one was there.. and really no one wasn't.  I was dead inside.

My father ended up passing away in 1992 at the young age of 45.. which is hilarious now to me... because when I was 25 and he died.. I thought he was old.  Now that I am his age.. it blows my mind on how his life was taken so young.  He drank windshield solvent and it ended up taking his life.  See my dad went from being a alcoholic to being a chronic alcoholic so he would drink rubbing alcohol, Windex, cologne ect.  He ended up drinking that solvent and it ended up leaving him brain dead.  I had to take him off life support 10 days later and it killed me inside.. I lost the only person I really wanted to love me.  So what did I do.. went on a rampage.. drinking, men.. again.. Yes I am one redundant girl huh.. lol..

When I hit 29 I remember sitting at my job thinking omg.. is this it.. Is this what I am going to be.. a drunk like my father.. if  so kill me.. take me. .. I have nothing to live for... then a miracle happened..