Yesterday.... I found out something amazing.. I now know why God wanted me to start this blog now... HE wants me to tell you about HIS LOVE, HIS FAITHFULNESS... I have something big to tell you.. but I am going to wait till it fully happens... PRAISE JESUS... Dear Lord, today keep using me using me as your canvas.. you are the artist and lets make beautiful art together!!!!
It was funny.. I used to work a job that made me a ton of money..and I really didn't like my job.. but it made me money to take care of my children.. but what I didn't notice it wasn't the life God wanted for me.. Since I accepted HIM.. I gave HIM permission to LIVE HIS LIFE.. the life HE wants for me...
I found my self by accident the job I always wanted to do... James was a friend of mine and he wanted to be an actor/fitness model like everyone else in Cali... lol I started helping him out here and there just as a friend. I noticed I loved it... loves it so much... I loved it so much it got me fired from my job... BAM.. the beginning of my humbling.. That day I called James and I told him I got fired and with two kids with no health benefits and a regular paycheck would be scary.. but we both said to each other this is probably a sign from God... we should do this. that was 5 years ago...
I started to lose the material things because of the lack of money.. I lost my credit... lost things that I thought were so important.. some friends, my job ect.. But now looking back.. it was HIM breaking me.. putting me back together slowly in HIS timing...
I used to be flashy... walking around with new clothes.. cleavage and all...remember new breasts.. so they were on display! lol I had a nanny that took care of my kids, I would shop till I dropped and still till this day I look around and think where in the world are all of those things I bought.. I had 10,000 in credit cards.. where is that stuff now??? It is like when you go to Walmart and you buy 100.00 worth of stuff.. do you remember what that stuff is?? I always save my receipt to remind myself.. lol I was living a life that was all for the outside to see.... trying to look successful and all together.. but again broken inside... POOF... ALL GONE... God took it away...
The first thing he did was tell me to put my boobies away... So funny.. I always wondered why I didn't get treated like a girlfriend or wife... or why no one took me seriously.. well DUH... you are only addressed the way you dress.. and well lets just say... with my big 32 DD's smacking them in the face.. well I was treated like a big walking boob... so the cleavage shirts are now collecting dust in my closet...
Money...ha Money.. What an Idol I made that to be... I used it so carelessly... wow.. I cringe on how I idolized money... again.. BAM gone..
See.. what HE was doing.. 1st... dress like a mom/wife.. preparing me to be the Proverbs 31 woman... to be treated like a lady.. no more hurt, no more being used as a piece of meat.. 2nd.. to be the mom... be the rock in my family.. to raise my two beautiful children to love God and to create two unbelievable Godly men and share treasured memories that money can't buy. 3rd.. To love my family for the precious time we have together.. not on what I could buy them or show off... to actually sit with them when we couldn't afford to do anything.. just enjoy each others voices... HUMBLING ME.. to love what is real... what you have in front of your face right now...
Now.. I am not going to tell you... that I was sitting with open arms screaming Praise Jesus everytime something was taken away or we couldn't afford to eat.. but when you stand back and see the puzzle being put together.. this is the best thing that has every happened to me...
So one day I get the brainy idea to move to Los Angeles... My Talent Manager Job... what am I doing?
It was funny.. I used to work a job that made me a ton of money..and I really didn't like my job.. but it made me money to take care of my children.. but what I didn't notice it wasn't the life God wanted for me.. Since I accepted HIM.. I gave HIM permission to LIVE HIS LIFE.. the life HE wants for me...
I found my self by accident the job I always wanted to do... James was a friend of mine and he wanted to be an actor/fitness model like everyone else in Cali... lol I started helping him out here and there just as a friend. I noticed I loved it... loves it so much... I loved it so much it got me fired from my job... BAM.. the beginning of my humbling.. That day I called James and I told him I got fired and with two kids with no health benefits and a regular paycheck would be scary.. but we both said to each other this is probably a sign from God... we should do this. that was 5 years ago...
I used to be flashy... walking around with new clothes.. cleavage and all...remember new breasts.. so they were on display! lol I had a nanny that took care of my kids, I would shop till I dropped and still till this day I look around and think where in the world are all of those things I bought.. I had 10,000 in credit cards.. where is that stuff now??? It is like when you go to Walmart and you buy 100.00 worth of stuff.. do you remember what that stuff is?? I always save my receipt to remind myself.. lol I was living a life that was all for the outside to see.... trying to look successful and all together.. but again broken inside... POOF... ALL GONE... God took it away...
The first thing he did was tell me to put my boobies away... So funny.. I always wondered why I didn't get treated like a girlfriend or wife... or why no one took me seriously.. well DUH... you are only addressed the way you dress.. and well lets just say... with my big 32 DD's smacking them in the face.. well I was treated like a big walking boob... so the cleavage shirts are now collecting dust in my closet...
I LOVE THIS PICTURE... :)
The nanny.. gone... What I realized is that I wasn't the mother.. I worked so much that I became the babysitter.. I would only see my kids late at night and on the weekend.. I was too tired to really enjoy them.. so I really for 3 years didn't get to share their life... so sad now that I look back.. I remember watching Jaden sit on the couch with my nanny as they watched TV arm in arm... and I was jealous.. I didn't have that closeness with my new son.. POOF... nanny gone...Money...ha Money.. What an Idol I made that to be... I used it so carelessly... wow.. I cringe on how I idolized money... again.. BAM gone..
See.. what HE was doing.. 1st... dress like a mom/wife.. preparing me to be the Proverbs 31 woman... to be treated like a lady.. no more hurt, no more being used as a piece of meat.. 2nd.. to be the mom... be the rock in my family.. to raise my two beautiful children to love God and to create two unbelievable Godly men and share treasured memories that money can't buy. 3rd.. To love my family for the precious time we have together.. not on what I could buy them or show off... to actually sit with them when we couldn't afford to do anything.. just enjoy each others voices... HUMBLING ME.. to love what is real... what you have in front of your face right now...
Now.. I am not going to tell you... that I was sitting with open arms screaming Praise Jesus everytime something was taken away or we couldn't afford to eat.. but when you stand back and see the puzzle being put together.. this is the best thing that has every happened to me...
So one day I get the brainy idea to move to Los Angeles... My Talent Manager Job... what am I doing?
No comments:
Post a Comment