My Testimony Part Two

 

I was raised Catholic so I believed in God, but I wouldn't necessarily tell you I had a relationship with HIM.  I sat on that barstool at work and cried out to God.  Kill me if this is my life, take me from this. I have nothing to live for so end it all.  Two weeks later I find out I am pregnant with Brandon.  That is when the Miracle started.  I finally had something to live for.  In my eyes a purpose to stop this crazy life that I had created. Now because this is my story and it is me.. I didn't get the knight in shining armor with the baby.. My knights in shining armor  were immature guys rolled in tinfoil.  So I had Brandon by myself and when he was 7mos old I moved us to California in 1998.

I got her to Cali and was all Chicago..I had the hair sprayed bangs that hit the roof of the car, 160lbs and makeup that would make Lady Gaga proud.  I moved in with my mom and got a job bartending.  And during that time I met these three little ole men that told me on how they all lost weight.  They did the Atkins diet and they were right... I lost 40lbs and the beginning of Cali Renee was born.  

I got a job at SBC the phone company to work a normal job so I could raise Brandon.  That is when God started at my heart.  I kept meeting these "Christian" people.  I never met "Christians" before.  I was raised in Chicago where everyone I knew were Catholic and the Christian people were Bible beaters.. LOL  They would come up to me and tell me about their relationship with God and I would just tell them "God Loves me so I am ok." Well WE KNOW THE TRUTH... I wasn't ok... I still had that hole in my heart that I couldn't fill. Even the love of my own child couldn't fill that. God kept knocking but I wasn't answering the door.

They kept trying to get me to go to church, go to bible studies but I declined and went on with my abnormal life.   I had this new body, new haircut and realized quickly again I was getting attention from men.  I met a ton of men that wanted to fill that whole in my heart HA... and I kept trying.  I then met another immature knight in shining armor and then had my second child. Again alone but I had my Jaden.  I always told my friends usually when you break up with someone you usually keep mementos, but for some reason I kept sperm.. lol.. And Jaden was born. I was now a single mom with two boys and still no man or direction.

Then one lonely day I joined a site called MySpace.. remember that site... lol