My Testimony..Part One

My name is Renee Watroba and do I have a story for you.. I was waiting for my happy ending to write a book.. but God wants me to write to you while I am going through it.. so fasten your seatbelts.. its going to be one bumpy but glorious ride!

I am 43 years young or as I have told many people, I am 21 but I just celebrated my 22nd anniversary to my 21st birthday. LOL  I am SINGLE never been married (GASP)... two gorgeous boys named Brandon (13) and Jaden (7).  I live in San Diego, California but I am originally from Chicago on the Southside.. GO Sox!  I moved to California in 1998 and have been here ever since.

I am a talent manager/agent/booker for the Hollywood scene so I am surprised I am not fully gray haired by now.  I manage models/actors/fitness models you name it.. I find it I book it.. LOL  I just started doing this business about 4 years ago which led to my relationship with the LORD.. so Praise God for that.

OK.... enough about my stats.. I feel like I am filling out a Match.com profile.. HA  In a galaxy far far away there was me.. little girl lost.  I was raised by an alcoholic father and a mother that is the Co-Dependant poster child.  I remember just trying to get my father's love.  I always tried to get his attention but because of his drinking, I failed miserably.  I would try to excel at sports, try to out drink him when I was of age to drink, tried to be his friend but nothing worked.  So at 18 I decided that I would find that love somewhere else.. In clubs and friends.

I would hang out at many clubs, 7 days a week..  I would dance, drink, laugh and then I found men.  I had alot of male attention which for me at the time being 150lbs. was UH MAZING! I started getting attention from alot of hot men and then I found myself under them.  Thinking that WOW if they could have sex with me  THEY ARE IN LOVE with me.. Cause in my silly little head I thought if you could be naked with someone and be sharing something so special it had to be LOVE.. well I since I am slow.. I did that alot and found out later.. Ummmmmmmmmmm wow.. they can do that with anybody.. I had my heart broke alot but since I was so mad and so numb because of my father.. I didn't care.  It was attention and I liked it... so for about 10 years I partied and played it up.

During that 10year haze.  My friends now ask me how was your 20's and I reply "Drunk"... which is funny but is so sadly true. I was so sad that my father didn't love me like I wanted too so I tried to hurt myself and I Did.  I got raped twice, had an abortion, was beaten, did drugs, was robbed, was used you name it I did it.. and the funny thing.. I never felt any of it.. I was numb.  I remember listening to the song Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd and thinking.. I must of wrote that song.  I was numb for 10 years and nothing bothered me because I thought I deserved it.  My friends would tell me that when I was drunk, they would look in my eyes and it would scare them because no one was there.. and really no one wasn't.  I was dead inside.

My father ended up passing away in 1992 at the young age of 45.. which is hilarious now to me... because when I was 25 and he died.. I thought he was old.  Now that I am his age.. it blows my mind on how his life was taken so young.  He drank windshield solvent and it ended up taking his life.  See my dad went from being a alcoholic to being a chronic alcoholic so he would drink rubbing alcohol, Windex, cologne ect.  He ended up drinking that solvent and it ended up leaving him brain dead.  I had to take him off life support 10 days later and it killed me inside.. I lost the only person I really wanted to love me.  So what did I do.. went on a rampage.. drinking, men.. again.. Yes I am one redundant girl huh.. lol..

When I hit 29 I remember sitting at my job thinking omg.. is this it.. Is this what I am going to be.. a drunk like my father.. if  so kill me.. take me. .. I have nothing to live for... then a miracle happened..